Heroics lost in impersonation

Final Events

2010-05-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

Into the depths of the night I command my beast,
High on adrenaline and thirsty for power;
This rush from an escalating fear is my feast,
As I see Death’s mammoth approach: I cringe, I cower.
With no human connection to acknowledge me,
I look at a grievance of a life with disdain,
Decayed homes, torn roads, fractured dreams is all I see,
The very existence of my world causes pain.
I speed ‘till skyline turns to streak, ‘till woods to haze,
For a split second I see a black mass come near –
Next I know a strong grip wrench me out of a maze,
My sight fades as my bleeding eye sheds one last tear.
Suicide, my one way trip to eternal bliss –
Death, only too eager, sets me free with a kiss.

Gangster's Paradise

2010-03-25T13:14:00.001-07:00

Humble beginnings with sticks and stones,
We worked for food just like stray dogs.
Now we’re older and are breaking bones;
Thereafter tossing bodies in thick bogs.

Raised by the street, had only each other,
With joint efforts we made our claim to fame.
She would have been proud, had we a mother,
For it provoked fear in circles - our name.

In our turf better make sure you lie low:
Keep your big mouth shut; watch where you walk,
Or else on the footpath, your blood will flow -
The next day your “dead weight”, lined in chalk.

Living in a gangster’s paradise is fine,
If like a cat your lives start with nine.

Spring Break

2010-03-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

Green slips out from under the White –
Its prolonged captivity led to frustration and rage.
The homecoming of Helios is a welcome respite;
And with due grandeur he ascends the stage.
Multicolored birds deck the air:
A proudly cooing dove,
Sexual selection: the affair,
Flies stoned in love.
Touch.
See.
Much,
For glee.
Amid no obligations for a week,
For all you know, a kiss might grace your cheek!

And they lived happily ever after...

2008-02-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

This is where most fairy tales end. The prince and princess marry and ride off into the sunset to begin their new life together as husband and wife, a life full of promise, romance, and above all, love.

For all of us who watch enough bollywood movies, or television for that matter will know how after a morbid start, an adrenaline-pumped showdown, a happy ending really completes the tale of heroics.

As the cursor invitingly blinks, I try to concote one such brilliant tale of courage and dead-on decisions. Funnily enough, I can picture innumerable flashes such as the knight slaying a dragon, the prisoner-of-war rebelling against the victor, the prince wooing his would-be soulmate. On the other hand, I don't ever recall seeing one in sooth.

Why is a daughter, who's been living with just childhood memories of her mother, when actually gets to meet her, is labelled as a false claim just because her mother is rich and famous? Why is she offered money to not go public? This had a morbid start, had an epic struggle going on for years, had all her fingers crossed when she but as much as hinted at the truth.

Why is a boy, who's been sitting, waiting and wishing, constantly re-thinking his every word before he as much as speaks to the girl he's in love with, not taken taken seriously? Must he always be waiting on her? This had an awkward start, took quite some time before one had the courage to put one's feelings on the line here.

Why is a photographer, who's been honest and hard-working all his life, who's phenomenal, be denied a job on grounds of unreliability, just because he has had a durg problem? Must he waste his gift, all over again? This had a humble beginning, takes an eternity to get "clean", and he definitely wants to be a lawful citizen now.

Is fantasy the only means to get a truly happy ending? Agreed, things don't always turn out as expected, but I am tired of living in this uncertainty.

I want my happy ending, what about you?

Getting pushed off of life's little edge..

2007-10-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

His nights are spent in an invigorating blend of cacophony and blinding glares, that pour in through his decaying walls, crumbling to dirt in places or stained with damp. His abode was centrally located amongst a seamless maze of alleys.

His beauty sleep is oblivious to the jarring of the machinery in the distance. His source of music, the periodic whirring of engines accompanied by the clanking of metal on stone. The heat of the day was a memory; the air was chill. Above, a cold round moon shone down, slathering silver across the roofs and courtyards. He spends his days in the city, watching the stars on the big screen.

At night he lies awake and he wonders, "Why can't that be me?"

In his life, he is filled with all these good intentions.He's left a lot of things, he'd rather not get nostalgic. Just before he says "goodnight", he looks at the fleeting night sky and says, "If I could be like that, I would give anything, just to live for a day, in those shoes." Then he'd lose himself into thinking of the limitless possibilities, as consciousness turned to slumber. His dreams were vivid, marked by a palette of assorted hues and concurring notes of music. Strangely, he never recalled having one that had anything to do with his half-dead world.

He worked at North Park, capturing the atingle mood of tourists. His workplace was a granite bench, obliquely established. His supplies-two pencils. He sat there, sketching and watching people as they pass. His social circle consisted of the park janitors and vendors. His idea of partying was sharing a can of beer with his peers. Oh and they had peanuts too.

All he wanted was a little piece of his dream. A safe home, a warm bed, on a quiet little street.
All he wants is something to hold on to. Is that too much to ask?

Vietnam, 1975

2007-08-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

Dying was the simple part. Our main problem was making it worthwhile.

Our strength was failing, but resolution undaunted. I could see him summoning his last remaining power. Steadily, calmly, muttering under his breath, he unlocked the safety. There was nothing to do but wait.

According to some heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a price I'm not willing to pay for post mortem popularity.

I've made a long and successful career out of running away at the decisive moment and it was with considerable regret, as the enemy bore down upon us, I realised I didn't have that fallback option. We were going out together.

The nearest I'd ever come to this last standing business before was when I was with General William Westmoreland Jr., we were cornered in a enemy hangar, in fact he only prevented it with his final intervention, running a prototype through the Learjet. Although, I wasn't all that overwhelmed with gratitude, that implosion almost cost me my faithful limbs.

"You've been a good soldier."

"Well, um, you've just been dandy too." I never dared to talk to him like that...

"I didn't say you were perfect."

"WHAT?"

"Far from it. Well lets face it you've generally managed to cock things up."

The bloody cheek! Insults at a time like this! When death bearing down, etc. I ask you.

"Which is why I'm letting you off the nooze. I order you to make an exit. Use this key, take the elevator to the mining shaft, head east."

He activated the defense mechanism. He readied two Gatling guns. A drop of perspiration streamed down his cheek. The enemy was battering its way in.

The ricocheting sound of bullets upon steel. The enemy had forced an entry. He was able to shoot a score of men before he was shot in the thigh. His knees buckled, the guns fell to the floor, his hands unable to support their enormous weight. Several more bullets pierced his being.

Ironically, amongst the cacophony and sparks, he looked serene, something which he never had, not even in the dead of the night. As his vision became a blur, and excruciating pain surging through him like lifeblood, he passed out.

A blinding flash. The parabola grew in size, engulfing the concrete and steel alike. Leaving metallic scraps and foe appendages in its wake. The stronghold had been taken.

A typical leader. Rigid, to the very end, didn't give me a chance to get a word in the edge ways.
Which is a pity, because at the last moment I'd have liked to tell him what I thought of him. Mind you, since in that split second we were, to all intended purposes, one and the same, I rather think he knew anyway.

If tomorrow never comes.

2007-06-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

Ask the guy who made elctricity, why do we procrastrinate?

A couple hundred years ago Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success “never leave that till tomorrow” he said,”which you can do today” this is the man who discovered the electricity, you think more of us would listen to what he had to say.

I don’t know why we put things off but if I had to guess I’d say it has a lot to do with fear, fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection… sometimes the fear is just of making a decision because what if you’re wrong, what if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo.

"The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine."

"He who hesitates is lost."

We can't pretend we haven't been told, we've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves, we have to make our own mistakes, we have to learn our own lessons, we have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant, that "knowing is better than wondering", That "waking is better than sleeping" and that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistakes beats the hell out of never trying.

In pursuit of happyness with a 'y'.

2007-05-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

We wake up, *yawn* look around, think aloud, "Why in the name of god do we have a Monday?!?"

The answer is really simple... We had a great weekend, now it's time to put our pants on, get back to "work."

What if everyday was a Sunday. We do something innovative, feel " happy", look at education from an artistic point of view and not from an institutional one. Have a picnic, catch up with an old friend, say something nice to your loved one, and just feel.... the vibes, the excitement, the joy of being blissfully happy....

No worries, no deadlines, no pressure, nothing at all.

You call that paradise? Well...

You see actually the human brain can be defined simply in a single word-'complicated'! It fails to record text-book material(it being in a formal language...), but it remembers that under no circumstances should you snowboard in a pair of shorts.

It lives in this anticipation, just waiting... for "it" to happen. That single incident that will make all of your attempts and struggles till date seem purposeful...(the big bounce!!!!!... that is correct terminology, I suppose...)

TEENAGE:- We live in this world where we're exploring ourselves. Live life to the fullest, study hard, party harder...We strive for perfection. We achieve. Prove our point of view. Only to get back home, think about something that occurred, did not go down well with us, curse the person, feel sorry, for this single impulse. Think to ourselves about all these ties we had with the person, how he/she let us down, "All this; for what?" OR "What a piss-off, made me really hate him/her."

The real "happy" person would be, who has just no qualms, no grudges, nothing against anyone, for that matter, even himself/herself.
He may as well have countless shortcomings but would walk up to the mirror, beam, flash himself/herself a thumbs-up, comment,"You did well today, I am proud of you, (so what if the sonofagun or miss goody-two-shoes won, we placed; didn't we?), let's get some good sleep, shall we?"

This person needs no miracles, no turning points in life, no realisations, no mind-boggling farfetched phenomena that makes him/her understand the soul purpose of "life, the universe and everything...", needs nothing but a moment.

Let's face it, falling is easy, it's getting back up that becomes the problem, we look up around us for that glimmer of hope,wishing for someone to come all enthusiastic, cheer us on, heave us up...( if you are on the list of people who need liposuction otherwise, help up is fine)
Or instead we could pretty much try our own two feet, get up, brush the dust of our shouders, get back into the game and be in the true sense of the word 'independant'.

There are no absolute inspiring happenings, what may inspire millions might just seem deplorably insipid to one.
It's grasping inspiration in anything and everything...
It's what life is and always will be.
*Wasting hours online,thinking u have a connection with someone,
*Being in a party with close friends and still feel out of place,
*Being infected with terminal cancer,
*Or just being insignificantly placed.

Whatever category you may put yourself in, be "happy". Be your own shrink once in a while.
Give yourself a boost of confidence. Act crazy. Do not give a rabbit's hindside to what people have to say about you on the negative end, when you know you've carried it off well.
Well just be a human being and providence will find its way.....in due course...:P

2007-04-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

After much thinking, I come to a very simple conclusion, there is no such thing as growing up, we are all just a bunch of kids, breaking away from our families to form one of our own, running around the playground, screaming, shouting, in the pretence of enjoyment only to convince ourselves that we are living to the fullest!

Hoping, abandoning the same, trying desperately to fit in. We chase our dreams, after all what dreams are those that are not chased; jumping into relationships, while eyeing a better one...

But sometimes it's this one moment, (it's always about the moment, isn't it?) Someone walks into your life, completely sweeps you off your feet, and then before you know it you have taken it a little too far...

Before you know it, you think you're in love. You admit the person into your thoughts, hope to be with them, lust for their prescence, crave for their voice, just pointlessly keep thinking over and over... Marvel at how they shut you up, make you feel like a larger than life character.

But then one day you remark how "grapes are sour" and that it was too good to be true, and you just tried too hard.

It is this so called four letter word "love"; that makes you growl like a tiger and purr like a kitten. You want it so badly, and you regret how you let it pass away. You think it is a far-fetched fantasy to have a perfect relationship, and we are better off in the playground with friends.

So techinically grown ups do not exist, its this four letter word that makes you a child again. Makes you human...

Choose a title yourself,beholder.

2007-03-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

I say, "I love you." I mean it.

She reciprocates, "I love you too." She doesn't really mean it,doesn't care.

I am just another guy from her list of a 43. She is talking to me; while admiring herself in a full length mirror,thinking to herself, I must be good, after all, I get so many proposals.

She resumes talking to me,"I am foolish to love her", she comments.(We should give her points for honesty.)Deep down she knows I am different that I wont stop until I have her, she doesn't acknowledge such passing thoughts.

She talks to me, time fleeting away, not getting enough of herself, although admitting I have some nerve to hold on....

As every conversation melts away into lingering memories, I think to myself how wonderfully gifted she is, how nicely she amuses herself, with forlorn guys desperate for love. She plays with me, complements me makes me feel like a man, she says all those things she would to her true love, sweeps me off my feet, makes me unsure of myself at the same time making me confident enough to pour my guts out to say those magic words.
I say if this is what love is; even if it is a distant fantasy; an unreal dream; I have never been happier, what is happiness but a feeling of being proud of what you are, being true to ones nature, and being who you've always wanted to be.

She says she has never dated,she says she never will, I say she will; one day she will, one day she'll realise that we have have something more than teenage crush,till then I want to be played with, I want to know I CAN. It may take years, it may take seconds, it may never be.

There is no definition of being in love, it may be a look, a touch, an online conversation or a simple gesture, a feeling like no other, this is love.

One day she'll really mean those three words, till then I have never been happier to get her attention although divided, but realistic.

No title for this one.

2007-03-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

Life is dim; my mind is SO NOT brimming with ideas but there is nothing to channel these ideas into,here i am once again during my boards, here i am posting..,(this is almost getting to be habit now..lol..),well the idea behind this blog is to ramble on utter gibberish that which when seen promptly forces the reader to A) shut his explorer B) wished to never have listened to you( that is when you would have been begging him/her for comments or if worse to caste a mere glance at your blog C)well never have wished to known you(thinking they might learn a thing or two from your blog but instead end up quite astonished at the crap you can come up with on such short notice.)

Well i am really sorry folks, to disappoint you so; but this post is the most atrocious piece of writing i can and will ever come up with(i realise it sounds like i am a witness in front of a jury of unanimity.."can and will"..but you may actually come up with better opinions for my post..so do comment(this time i am not begging my contacts individually). Here goes i am bored,so pathetically bored that i can in fact describe boredom;i have nothing to do,no sweet talks with people of the opposite sex,no commendable posts that you would probably expect(or not,i am just an amateur what do you expect?!??!?!),the truth of the matter lies in that i am desperately running out of ideas;(not that i had many in the first place, but i like to overestimate myself...)i am so bored that i could go on for hours and after this experience trust me you will not hear from me again requests pertain to my blogging endeavours such as this one right here!
Please take it as a failed experiment,an application gone "conk",or just entirely ignore it,i pretty much hate this post anyway!

OPEN CRITICISM WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED.

Dance, Dance!

2007-03-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

A subtle touch, an innocent giggle, words left unspoken but none failing to implicate the reality of the moment. I tried to talk myself into erasing the complexities in my life. I ask myself ‘why’ but then the inevitable ‘why not’ unceasingly echoes.

17 March 07, was one of those typical days in my life, those compos mentis people would term as unhealthy. It was a day full of stress yet brimming with joy!

But the only essential factor that made this day different from the rest was when she approached me. She asked me to dance with her; in her mild voice that was ‘balmier than the half-opening buds of April’. I on the other hand had to be at the same moment gormandizing and relishing some paneer tikka. Not knowing what else to do, I attempted swallowing the piece down in one big gulp.

We had already started dancing by now, my face was a myriad of colors; blue because I was choking, red because I was blushing more than I ever had, green with envy, cause she wasn’t mine.I believe I was dancing in a rather unruly and obnoxious way. She on the other hand had her delicate fingers embracing mine and she looked so beautiful that I was transfixed. She had the most charming smile and angel eyes that pierced my nefarious heart. Captivated by her looks, cherishing the last imprint, a lingering memory…

Nothing will ever recreate the happiest two and a half minutes in my life.
@Author Jason Fernandes

2007-03-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

This starts like a testimonial i hope..but leads on to something deeper...

Here i am,collecting my thoughts,(not a "bherry" easy thing i say...),to perhaps describe this female in words..a class in herself...

Where do i start...its this time when you think of all those small things..those online messages..a smile nations away(sparked by me, i hope..!)...,a distant image;concocted form perhaps a personality encountered online...( thank u msn, hotmail, blah blah...Bill Gates lol...),she makes me feel away form this mundane instances of life..(like i am in a spa or something!)...in short makes me forget these trifle issues...life and i do not really go along hand in hand!!!!

By the far the only person has no issues with life;eats karelas( claims to like them..ughh!..how?)..lives life to the fullest,(hates tomatoes how i have no clue.."only in pizzas")..i so cannot go offline when you are around..hope this brought out something lol again...!!!!

She hates pink finally...now we're getting somewhere..I will write more next time ...dont scream!!!!

2007-02-25T08:11:00.000-08:00

Again its one of those days when you really don't know where your life is heading,you derive sadistic pleasure in asking,"How is your preparation for icse dude?!?!"

But knowing well enough,your aren't apt for it quite well also.Here i am three days before ICSE,working on my blog,telling my dad,its good for my english grammar on the 1st,but instead its a way to cheat reality and jump into the future,(i really wish for the first; icse would start; so atleast i get to tell myself, i know it will end) i SO cannot take all these emotions gnawing at my mind,the cacophony in my head saying,"Study dude its the only time you have to"..All i can think of is the month after that..Me sitting on a paradise island;checking out women...but...I could go on for hours but i just hope,i make it out of one of the conspicuos evils in society called ICSE(I Can't Stand Examinations!!)alive...! (gasp)*

ROLEMODELS ARE COMPULSARY!!!

2007-01-29T20:28:00.001-08:00

I may ascend new heights and expand my horizon in an innovative way, consumed in self confidence as you see i am recently( i think i am humorous...); but, what i can never even come close to emulating you; is your qualities,those lingering memories of every conversation, that selfless altruistic attitude, that simple lustre of your eternal afterglow, a moment shared with you lost in time...A memory recounts every moment i wish to treasure, you make me feel like a larger than life character, bringing forth a pseudo character of mine....Lima now you have found something i can never come close to being...You!!!